In other news, I drove today. I don't have a permit anymore or a license, but my dad had been drinking and I had bad feelings about letting him drive the 17 miles home from the picnic we went to. I did fine in the small towns, but once we hit the highway I felt like I was going to freeze up. Each lane change left me holding my breath. Merges made my heart race and slow at the same time. I'm almost 21, fully capable of driving a car, but I still fear it so much that I continue to go without a license. I wouldn't wish an anxiety disorder on anyone. Two of the most basic actions in life continue to leave me struggling to breathe. It will never stop. No matter how many times I tried to convince myself that driving was no big deal, my hands still tightly clutched the steering wheel.
I'm glad that I at least have this outlet for my anxiety. Getting it out in words makes it seem a little less scary for some reason.
I'll write better, more interesting posts soon. I need to stop letting stress slow me down.